Saturday, November 20, 2010

That's EXACTLY what it's like.

One of my more entertaining clients, whom I will refer to simply as "J", is an aspiring comedian. I told him to make sure he gives me a shout-out when he makes it big. He really is something else. He's at his best when he's spouting off-the-wall analogies that really don't make much sense at all.

Exhibit A

Friday, November 19th, 2010, 11:15a.m.

(The students are settling in and starting their bell work. "J" approaches me with his sweatshirt, which he customarily drapes over the back of my chair.)

"J": "Whatchoooo dooin' girl?"
Me: "I'm taking attendance. Go start your bell work?"
"J": (Ignoring me) "Is it true I have an F in here?"
Me: "I'm not sure. Probably. I can check for you."
"J": "Well, that Indian lady said I did."
Me: "Indian lady?"
"J": "Yeah, you know, that Indian lady."
Me: ". . . "
"J": "Anyways, I told her it was your fault 'cause YOUUU don't let us DOOOO any EXTRA
CREDIT!" (said in an exaggerated accusatory tone)
Me: "That's because YOUUU have to DOOOO your regular assignments before you can do
EXTRA CREDIT. I just need you to do your regular work."
"J": (stares at me...sighs heavily) "That's like asking a giraffe to be short."

Exibit B

Mid-weekish, November-something, 2010, 11:25am.

I'm in the middle of explaining the day's assignment. I finish the example, and ask the kids if they have any questions. "J" raises his hand.

Me: "Yes, J?"
"J": "You're a G, miss."
Me: "...a G?"
"J": "not G. . . You're a O.G."
Me: "An O.G?"
"J": "You don't feel me or what?"
Me: "I have no idea what you're talking about."
"J": "No no...not O.G. You're like the seventh letter of the alphabet."
Me: "That would be G."
"J": "That's what I said."

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